Into the Fray
by Jubalii
Summary: A Parody of Stephen Sondheim's "Into the Woods". There's a lot of characters in this, but Alucard (The Wolf and the Servant), Seras (Little Red), and Walter (Narrorator) are the top ones. Most everyone has a part, though. Rating is for suggestive themes


Author's Note: I don't know what this is. Forgive me, please.

Hellsing is not mine.  
Into the Woods is not mine, either.  
Underlined text is singing.

* * *

_(A quiet stage. __**Walter [W]**__ walks on stage, with a single light trained on him as his monocle shines. Lively music starts)_

W: Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom, _(enter **Integra [I],** **Alexander Anderson [****AA****],** and **Pip [P]**)_

I: I wish, more than anything, more than life, more than cigars!

W: lived a sad young heiress, a tired mercenary, and a weapon-laden priest.

P: More than life

P, I, AA: I wish, more than anything, more than the moon-

I: The Queen is giving a grand gala; I wish to avoid the grand gala!

AA: More than life, more than the orphanage-

P: I wish my men wouldn't be so weak-

AA: I wish to slay monsters! 

_(All continue singing in three-part-harmony while Walter watches from afar. Focus on __**Integra **__as __**Alucard (A) enters **__and sneers) _

A: You wish to avoid the grand gala? The Queen's grand gala?

W: The poor girl's father had died, and he had left her in the care of a monstrously annoying vampire servant.

A: _(Sing-speaking)_ Look at your fame, look at the press; it'd be a scandal but nevertheless- You wish to avoid the grand gala, you wish to avoid the grand gala and just stay home instead?_ (Uproarious laughter)_

W: The servant was beautiful of face but dark and brooding at heart. Pip, on the other hand, had no servant, but his men…. _(Enter __**Wild Geese [G]**__)_

G: We wish,

W: Well, they had no work ethic.

G: We wish our leader was lazy, we wish the barracks would clean itself- we wish our stomachs had some food! We wish our pockets full of gold; we wish a lot of things….

_(Knocking comes from a door. Enter __**Seras [S]**__ to Alexander Anderson, standing beside him and looking at weapons)_

AA: Why, coom in lassie.

S: I wish; it's not for me it's for my Master in battle! A new pistol, please. To bring my poor and dying Master in the fray, just a new pistol please….and perhaps a big canon?

W: Integra's servant had a surprise for her.

A: I've found a band of FREAKS over in the next town. If you let me go to destroy them, I'll find a way for you to avoid the gala.

S: and ammo!

I: People; people in the houses and castles and forests and flats….

S: and maybe some grenades?

I: People; people would see you and be frightened and call the army to their aid! _(Vocalizes the word "No.") _Now go Alucard, out of my office. Get now, get and don't come back- find someone to bother!

P: But men!

G: Listen Pip, we don't want to practice maneuvers today.

P: But-

G: Look at us! There are bits in our pits, we have cankles instead of ankles, and we all have camel toes!

P: But you're men!

G: We've no time to run around, we just want to settle down! And no one fights on Sunday anyway. Sometimes we fear you're touched!

S: Into the fray, it's time to go- I hate to leave, I have to go. Into the fray, it's time and so I must be getting back now. Into the fray, the bloodstained fields where I am awaited, man. Into the fray to my Master's side!_ (Struggles with heavy load_) Into the woods-to-my-Ma-steeerr's side!

AA: Yer certain of yer way?

S: The way is clear, the moonlight's good. I have no fear like others would. The dead are corpses, the corpses are dead; I sort of hate to ask it, but would you just hold that? _(Gives Anderson load while she ties her shoe) _Into the fray, and down the straight, the path is there- I know it well. Into the fray and who can tell which person is the enemy? Into the fray to bring a gun to Master who's gonna need one. I see him now against the sun; for all I know, he's already won. But, into the fray! Into the fray! Into the fray to my Master's side and home before noon!

_(Seras exits, leaving a confused Anderson behind.) _

* * *

That's all I'm doing right now. If enough people like it I'll do another part of the Prologue. You can find the real version here: wwwDOTyoutubeDOTcomSLASHwatch?v=LiGRPYmTFV0

I love this musical; it's just so silly and yet still teaches a valuable lesson.


End file.
